it feels as if i never truly have these people as my friends. They talk to me but they don’t. It’s hard to explain, and they always wonder why I’m quite. .___. maybe if they would just try to know the me inside they would understand but i’ve come to realize my true self is a little hard to incounter. I understand how my mom feels.
I just hate having these feelings again. I’m already trying to redo my present so that my future looks much brighter with wiser decisions but my past keeps resurfacing again, dragging me back into my black whole!!! I try what I know what I need to do, plus more but it doesn’t seem to be helping me its as if they dangle a small hand or rope that’s weak in the middle so when i do need a hand or lift it’ll SNAP and all I’ll see from the bottom is them laughing at me from the top. but i can’t give up no matter what I encounter I just need to find the right hand/ rope thats trustworthy to grab on.